Allan Almondson
Grade 2
Mrs. Wimbley’s Class
What I Learned On Our Fieldtrip
Today we went to the famous Harrison Museum
The fieldtrip started as usual with the million hour ride in the most boring elevator ever, crowded together with the whole class, random couples, and people from out of town who you know have never been there because they are actually excited to see all that old crap. Really fieldtrips are all about telling yourself “at least I’m not in school,” but they always make you fill out some stupid questionnaire or write some stupid essay like this one, and it ends up being just about as bad as going to class. Anyway after the elevator ride you get to wait in line in order to get a stupid bracelet and a little radio thing that tells you boring facts about the boring displays you are looking at. Then finally after all that waiting for the elevator ride to end, and waiting in line, you pair off and get to explore the museum. Unfortunately I always end up with Jimmy Donaldson. Its always me that ends up as his museum partner because nobody else can stand him. The kid smells and only ever wants to go look at the dumb little kid displays- those lame screens that play the cartoons describing how we think life survived down there all those years next to those little tables you can sit at and draw your favorite dinosaur. Jimmy always draws a stupid stegosaurus. I usually draw a t-rex ripping apart a stegosaurus. Jimmy is not a fan of my drawings. Or rather, Jimmy was not a fan.
Really its lucky that Jimmy made us go over to the kids area, way away from the cool stuff where everybody else was. Jimmy pretty much saved my life. When the Mole-Men’s bombs went off caving in the south end of the museum it killed a good half of the class. The dust cleared and as I understand it the people on that end of the museum found themselves at gunpoint, held up by the Mole-Men forces. We were pretty much alone on the other end of the museum and had time to react. Jimmy’s immediate reaction was to duck under the table and hide. I wanted to go see what was going on on the other end but being Jimmy’s museum partner I had no choice but to crawl under the table with him.
We laid there under the table for what seemed like a couple hours trying not to breathe too loudly. Luckily the tables are low and wide to accommodate tiny museum goers. They actually make a pretty decent hiding place. After a while we heard footsteps coming closer and closer to the little kid area, and then closer and closer to our table. We held our breaths as he passed by but something must have caught his eye on our table because he stopped right in front of us. Jimmy looked at me wide eyed and mouthed the word “radio.” The moron had set his radio that tells you boring facts about boring displays on the table instead of clipping it to his belt like a normal person. Fortunately Mole-Men’s eyes aren’t that great and really all he had noticed was that this table had something different on it than the others, but unfortunately Jimmy picked this moment to get up and run. I still don’t know why he did it. Maybe the fear just got to him and he just couldn’t sit still and wait to be killed. Maybe he was trying to distract the Mole-Man so I could make my get away. Maybe it was just Jimmy’s time. Whatever the case may be it was Jimmy getting up and running that saved my life. Again. Jimmy sprinted away from the table towards the turnstiles at the entrance that led back to the elevator doors but the Mole-Man, being a soldier and all, was just too quick for him. He pulled his plasma pistol out of its holster and without even aiming squeezed the trigger and buried a ball of plasma in poor Jimmy’s back. It knocked Jimmy down and he slid a couple feet on the tile floor before coming to a stop. Smoke rose out of the burning plasma wound as the Mole-Man slowly lumbered over to Jimmy’s body.
Tears in my eyes, and filled with a righteous anger, I quietly climbed out of my hiding place. I peeked over the table at the back of the grotesque Mole-Man. Reaching out I pushed Jimmy’s stupid radio out of the way and picked up a handful of colored pencils and stood up. Walking over to the Mole-Man, tears in my eyes and pencils in my hand, I got angrier and angrier with each step. How dare that Mole-Man. Jimmy Donaldson was not a bad person. He may have smelled, the other kids may not have liked him, BUT HE WAS MY MUSEUM PARTNER! I stabbed one of the colored pencils deep into the Mole-Man’s back. He stumbled forward and when he turned to look back, I was there. I pushed a red colored pencil into his tiny left eye and a green one into his tiny right eye. He dropped his plasma pistol and clawed at his face, stumbling and lurching back and forth, squealing in pain. Calmly and coolly I reached down, picked up the plasma pistol, pointed it at his face, wiped the tears out of my eyes and said “that was Jimmy Donaldson. He wasn’t the best museum partner, but he was sort of my friend, and he liked stegosauruses.” Then I pulled the trigger right in his stupid Mole-Man face.
Realizing this would probably draw attention to whatever other Mole-Men there might have been I booked it past Jimmy’s smoldering body towards the elevator. Leaping over the turnstiles I suddenly noticed that there had been a guard posted. Not knowing what to do and knowing that he would probably smell me with his great big Mole-Man nose really soon I ran as fast as I could at him and his all my strength I smashed him across the face with the plasma pistol. He slumped to the ground and I dove into the massive elevator. I pressed the up button over and over and over until finally the doors slid shut just as the Mole-Man was coming to.
The elevator ride took what seemed like three times as long as normal and my heart was pounding in my ears the whole time…
The rest of the story you probably know because it was in all of the newspapers. How I contacted the authorities in charge of underground affairs. How they found out that the Mole-People had been planning an uprising and were going to use the elevator as an entry point into our world. And how they sent down a thermonuclear warhead in the elevator and detonated it when it got to the bottom. All that stuff is old news now. Yet I still have to write a stupid paper on “what I learned.” I learned that the stegosaurus wasn’t all that lame, museums suck even when they are being invaded, and that even the kid who smells can save your life. Thank god I don’t have to go to the Harrison Museum for next year’s stupid field trip.
